Desperate

I try not to vent to often on here, not because things are always hunky dory for me, but because I think it is just horrible to complain all the time. Seriously. When I look at the big beautiful picture, how can I complain? God loves me, provides for and forgives me. My children are both happy, healthy and simply beautiful. I have a handsome, smart, hardworking husband that loves me unconditionally. No matter what we are going through right now, worried about finding jobs and how we will make ends meet, we know that we will make it together. This is temporary. There are people so much worse off all over the world. Sooooo...when I want to vent and cry and scream and yell about how unfair life is right now, it is hard for me to come here and do it like I desperately want to. Before my fingers can type the ugly, God reminds me about the beautiful. My intentions tonight were to use my blog as a healthy place to vent (so that I didn't take it out on Wes). Here I sit with this wonderful blank screen in front of me and all I can think about is the song that just suck in my head...Lord, I'm desperate for you.

This is the air I breathe
Your holly presence, living in me This is my daily bread Your very word, spoken to me And I........I'm desperate for you And I ........ I'm lost without you...
from "Breathe" by Michael W Smith

All My Heart...

11 For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me WHEN YOU SEEK ME WITH ALL OF YOUR HEART. 14 I will be found by you. Jeremiah 29:11-14

This are some of my very favorite verses in the Bible. I have pointed out to Wes several times in the past that I think I am failing in the area where He says "with all of your heart." So many can quote verses 11-12 easily but stop there. Why is that? Do we just want to hear that He is listening and nothing else matters? I want to seek God with all my heart. So many excuses, words, memories, and thoughtless actions/reactions jump in there and get in the way for me. I am not perfect. If I we were Jesus would not have had to die for our sins. However, I truly want to honor God and seek him with all my heart. I am going to continue to pray about this. I am going to spend more quiet time talking to God and less watching TV. I am going to guard my words and actions. My children are watching and there are so many little things I regret doing. It is my job to teach them to love God. How can I tell them to love God when my actions are not Godly?
Lord, please help me to be a better example for my children and all those that I meet. Please let your forgiveness and love shine through me with out a spoken word needed. Help me to find supportive, uplifting, positive, like minded friends. Help me to make a positive difference in the lives of those I love and those who may not yet know you. I know your tugging at my heart. I feel you Lord and I am honored and scared all at the same time. Help me to read your word and understand it. Thank you again for all of my beautiful blessings.

I am not ready for this!!!!

Morgan pulled herself up in her crib and stood up on her own during nap today! I was excited and terrified all at the same time. She was happy and bouncing. She definitely knew was was doing something cool. We haven't even lowered her crib as she just started sitting up and crawling a month ago. Later in the afternoon Hunter called me in the kitchen to show me that she had crawled all the way through the house to the kitchen, pulled herself up on the case of bottled water and was trying to get her knee up so she could crawl up the cabinet...what happened to baby steps? I was cleaning out her clothes and hats again today and the overpriced cap that Wes bought her at Seven Falls in Colorado (it was way to big but we wanted to protect her little head) almost fits her perfect now. Wow how they grow!!!
Another thing I am not ready for....Mom bought Hunter an Electric Guitar for Christmas. I encouraged her I know that music is good for him developmentally and I am a true believer it is just good for the soul. THANK GOD IT CAME WITH EARPHONES!!!

I am almost done packing away all of the Christmas stuff. I procrastinated because I knew I would buy more during the 75% and 80% clearance sales. I over bought but got some really great deals for next year. I purchased a beautiful wreath at Hobby Lobby originally priced $99.95 for 20 bucks!!!! Yeeeee Hawwww!

I am signing up for a biggest looser challenge with my Mom's group. I am nervous because I have issues with will power...meaning I have none. I love food. I love to cook. I love to serve people comfort food in my home. I finally quit smoking almost two years ago (I smoked a pack a day for 12 years!) and am now addicted to food instead. Plus nursing Morgan leaves me famished so I eat more than I should. I am done with the excuses...I want to be healthy again. This is not just for me but for Wes and the children. Pray that I am successful. I know that it is God's desire for me to be healthy so that I can serve him and my family better.