“Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a loyal spirit within me.” Psalm 51:10 (NLT)
I haven't blogged on a few days and I feel behind. A lot has happened and I have read some great devotionals that have given me great inspiration, but then I let it get all jumbled and didn't have a clear direction in what to write about...So I will make this even longer than usual and write about it all.
I have been saying that I wanted to clear the clutter in my home for a long long long time. I have even thought about opening a business helping others to clear their clutter and get organized. You just feel better when things are in their place and you can find what your actually looking for. I start but never finish. There are too many readily available excuses; Morgan was fussy, I was tired from not sleeping well, I was too busy blogging. You get the idea. I have a clear goal that this MUST be done. I can help others by donating the items that clutter our home, make things from them, and even make some extra money selling others. I am pushing myself to spend at least a half hour a day decluttering something.
Well lets take this one step further. I have been trying to declutter my heart as well for years and have just not been able to finish. I get going on a good healthy path, I think I am doing good and then it creeps in...insecurities caused by others words, painful memories of people in my life who lied to me or who continue to lie about me, let me down, hurt me emotionally, physically, and spiritually. The lingering thoughts invade my day over and over. I figure this is much like the way a drug addicts desire to use creeps in over and over even when they claim to have "recovered". The thoughts are like a cancer, they make me feel ill and invade every area of my life. As a Christian, how can I still be holding on? Isn't it supposed to go away once you forgive the person? I have openly given this to God, why does my heart keep taking it back? Whatever the reason, I am not giving up. If I let the people and painful circumstances in my life hurt me over and over, they win! I am just too stubborn to let that happen. I am not going to let them steal my joy anymore. I am not silly & naive. I know that a smell or something I see can jolt me to a standstill and bring those thoughts to mind, but I don't have to let it effect me. I know that it is Satan, trying to rob me and my family of the peace that God desires for us, and distance me from God.
Not only does this "clutter" distance me from God, but it tries to infect my marriage as well. Wesley has been so wonderful with me. No matter how insecure I get, he is still there, consistent, steady, and strong. He loves me just as I am, on days I am whole and even those that I am broken. God truly blessed me when he brought us together. But Wes can't "fix" what is broken. That is not what love does. He didn't break me, but he loves me in spite of and through my imperfections. That is love. I am loved and I love him.
While praying about this the other day, I asked God to heal me, that I am broken, and needed him to touch my heart. In my mind as I prayed I could see God's love and forgiveness pouring in my heart and filling in the cracks and broken pieces. It was beautiful. It is beautiful.
Some of what inspired me was reading this devotional:
http://proverbs31devotions.blogspot.com/2008/11/clean-house-and-clean-heart.html
More to come! I haven't even scratched the surface.
- We had a great weekend with Wes.
- Morgan, two crawls forward and one crawl back
- Hunter and his hamstring
I will be posting family pictures soon. Hunter played a good game after recovering from a pulled hamstring.
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