Over the River and through the Woods....

Well I am still running behind on my updates but I wanted to throw a few in and list some more of the reasons that I am Thankful really quick before Morgan wakes up.

After a long football season we lost our second playoff game. Our team played really hard all season long and could use the time off. Hunter played great as always but needs to work on keeping his head in the game and not letting the refs coach him...or attempt to. The Ref told Hunter he was playing too aggressively and was too rough...It's football, much to my dismay it is supposed to be rough! His hard work payed off as he has been invited to play All Stars. It is an honor for him and a great opportunity to play at a more competitive level. I wanted so badly to be sick of football, but watching Hunter put his whole heart into something right in front of me and the rest of the world was a beautiful thing. It isn't something you physically get to see all the time from your children. He loves it, therefore I love it! He is truly such a funny and challenging kid. Since he is so tall and looks like a young man, people seem to forget that he is still a very insecure little boy who gets his feelings hurt very easily by the people he looks up to. Other peoples words bring him down way faster than I can build his confidence back up. It is really frustrating. Why can't people just see his heart and not him physically when they talk to him? Why do they say things without considering how deeply they will effect him?

On to smaller people...Morgan had her first banana in her cereal on Saturday. She hasn't been eating that much, only a table spoon or so. I though smashing a banana in there would help...basically it just gave me more funny faces to laugh at. I do think she enjoyed eating with me at the table though instead of just watching me shovel my breakfast in. She is really enjoying her bouncy horse. She starts bouncing as soon as you put her in it, unless she is hungry or just wants mommy...then nothing else works (Except Auntie B). She is still trying to crawl. She can get all over the place on her own, but it is still by using her hands like suction cups on the wooden floors. She is a VERY happy baby.

I Am Thankful For:
Wes's job
That Wes will be home this week
Ironed Sheets
AGAIN my children and their smiling faces
Moments with Hunter where he still acts like a child
Bouncy Horses
My time making candles and having girl time with B
My friends
Cameras

So now we are off to my Mom's...I am singing over the river and through the woods, to Grandmother's house we go!

Joystealers...

Are there people in your life who constantly steal your joy? There are in mine. In church we are told to separate ourselves from them. What do we do if we can't? What if we are related or joined in some other way and have no choice? What if they never hear a darn word you say so talking it out doesn't matter? I was trying to sleep but couldn't because I was too angry with SJ. I was laying there praying begging God to take the anger away and give me wisdom for the right words to say. Instead, I was reminded to be thankful. So here I am, making a Thankful List to make me feel better and hopefully sleep a little before Little Miss Thang wakes up bright and early to eat AGAIN.

• I Am Thankful For God's grace and forgiveness
• My wonderfully patient & handsome husband, Wes
• My son, he is the best son I could have ever imagined
• My daughter, she lights up all of our days
• That my parents are alive and my children know them
• Family-the good, the bad, and the ugly
• My home
• The abundance of food that we are blessed with
• Red, our dog & Speedy Fred, our turtle
• The clothes in my closet (even if they are way too small now)
• America
• The men and women that fight for our freedom
• That I am healthy that my children are safe and healthy
• For sunshine
• For quiet moments at 2:30 am when no one is awake but me and I can think clearly again
• My friends old and new
• That gas prices went down
• For the smell of fall
• That I can see and read
• That I am finally getting started on making candles (it only took me what.... 4 years?)
• That I am surrounded by God's "artwork" everyday

When I logged on I found http://southbreezefarm.blogspot.com/2008/10/thankful-month.html and was even more inspired and blessed. Thank you!

A few updates: Hunter broke his finger in a scrimmage and had to have a hard cast put on so that the chipped piece could reattach itself. He was/is still able to play in the playoffs. The Coach has to wrap and pad though. We made it another week in the playoffs and Hunter was chosen to play on an all star football team. He is such a trooper. We are very proud of him.

Wes is still working in Pueblo. We miss him and can't wait until we are all together again. We have no idea where God wants us but we pray about it together as a family daily. We all know we just want to be together as a family as soon as possible.

Miss Morgan is babbling up a storm. She doesn't much care for cereal when I try to feed her. She does better for Wes and Hunter. She must know I have the good stuff. She is still trying to crawl. Her rear is up and rocking and she does get all over the place. She sticks her hands to the wood floor like suction cups and slides to her desired spot (normally under the coffee table). She smiles all the time and melts Hunter's heart. I am constantly saying, "Leave your sister alone and do your homework!" He is so in love with her. Again, my heart is happy and I am so proud.

Clearing the Clutter...

“Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a loyal spirit within me.” Psalm 51:10 (NLT)

I haven't blogged on a few days and I feel behind. A lot has happened and I have read some great devotionals that have given me great inspiration, but then I let it get all jumbled and didn't have a clear direction in what to write about...So I will make this even longer than usual and write about it all.
I have been saying that I wanted to clear the clutter in my home for a long long long time. I have even thought about opening a business helping others to clear their clutter and get organized. You just feel better when things are in their place and you can find what your actually looking for. I start but never finish. There are too many readily available excuses; Morgan was fussy, I was tired from not sleeping well, I was too busy blogging. You get the idea. I have a clear goal that this MUST be done. I can help others by donating the items that clutter our home, make things from them, and even make some extra money selling others. I am pushing myself to spend at least a half hour a day decluttering something.

Well lets take this one step further. I have been trying to declutter my heart as well for years and have just not been able to finish. I get going on a good healthy path, I think I am doing good and then it creeps in...insecurities caused by others words, painful memories of people in my life who lied to me or who continue to lie about me, let me down, hurt me emotionally, physically, and spiritually. The lingering thoughts invade my day over and over. I figure this is much like the way a drug addicts desire to use creeps in over and over even when they claim to have "recovered". The thoughts are like a cancer, they make me feel ill and invade every area of my life. As a Christian, how can I still be holding on? Isn't it supposed to go away once you forgive the person? I have openly given this to God, why does my heart keep taking it back? Whatever the reason, I am not giving up. If I let the people and painful circumstances in my life hurt me over and over, they win! I am just too stubborn to let that happen. I am not going to let them steal my joy anymore. I am not silly & naive. I know that a smell or something I see can jolt me to a standstill and bring those thoughts to mind, but I don't have to let it effect me. I know that it is Satan, trying to rob me and my family of the peace that God desires for us, and distance me from God.

Not only does this "clutter" distance me from God, but it tries to infect my marriage as well. Wesley has been so wonderful with me. No matter how insecure I get, he is still there, consistent, steady, and strong. He loves me just as I am, on days I am whole and even those that I am broken. God truly blessed me when he brought us together. But Wes can't "fix" what is broken. That is not what love does. He didn't break me, but he loves me in spite of and through my imperfections. That is love. I am loved and I love him.

While praying about this the other day, I asked God to heal me, that I am broken, and needed him to touch my heart. In my mind as I prayed I could see God's love and forgiveness pouring in my heart and filling in the cracks and broken pieces. It was beautiful. It is beautiful.

Some of what inspired me was reading this devotional:

http://proverbs31devotions.blogspot.com/2008/11/clean-house-and-clean-heart.html

More to come! I haven't even scratched the surface.

• We had a great weekend with Wes.
• Morgan, two crawls forward and one crawl back
• Hunter and his hamstring

I will be posting family pictures soon. Hunter played a good game after recovering from a pulled hamstring.

Daddy's Coming Home!!!

Daddy will be here this weekend! I have missed him so much and can't wait to see him. He gives the best hugs. He is my best friend and I love it when he is home. Morgan has been saying "A, dadadadada" over and over. Know she doesn't know what she is saying, but I still love it for Wes. She has such a personality and has made me laugh quite a bit lately. I put her on the carpet in her room and she tries to swim. She lays there with her big belly on the floor, arms and legs just a swimming, and looks up frustrated after a while because she hasn't made any progress. I laughed out loud which made her get mad and cry. It was so cute. Speaking of her cry, it has changed. It isn't so high pitch and is a lot more pathetic. It just breaks your heart. Hunter actually got tears when he heard it the first time. He loves his baby sister so much. I have to tell him leave her alone all the time because he wants to play with her when she is already happy and content.

As for me, I went to Wal-Mart yesterday to get groceries and stuff to make yummy meals for Wes. It was a good trip. Morgan hung out in her sling and I stayed under budget. Most of my favorite staples were on sale so I stocked up. Here is a few shots of my almost full pantry now. I laughed when I looked at it and realized that I really stock up on the things that we eat more often. Notice two of each on the carb shelf. Cans I buy four at a time normally. Compulsive? Nah, just prepared.

Looking at this I obviously have favorites. I almost always buy the same things when I go to the store. When you are grown you will remember, but to get you started here is a list of things we always had. I guess there are certain things each person feels that they have to have in the pantry. Here is a list of my favorite things:

• Campbell's (in this order-Cream of Mushroom, Tomato, Cream of Chicken, Chicken and Rice, and Chicken and Noodle of course)
• Stove Top Stuffing
• Del Monte Cut Green Beans, Whole Kernel Corn, Stewed & Diced Tomatoes & Peaches (not the off brands)
• Wal-Mart Brand Mandarin Oranges, Apple Sauce, Maraschino Cherries & Pear Slices
• Dole Pineapple both slices and chunks
• Wolf Chili, no bean
• Starkist Tuna in water not oil
• Chunk White Chicken Wal-mart (most brands will do)
• Velveeta shells and cheese
• Lipton Rice
• Minute Rice or Uncle Ben's Boil in the Bag Rice
• Kraft Mac n Cheese
• Shake and Bake
• Wal-Mart Italian Bread Crumbs
• Bisquick
• Betty Crocker Pineapple Upside Down Cake mix
• French's Onions
• Kraft Dressings-Tomato Basil Vinaigrette, Catalina, Zesty Italian, misc others
• Hidden Vally Ranch dressing and seasoning packetts
• Pepperidge Farm Seasoned Croutons
• Pasta (whole wheat pene, thin spaghetti, egg noodles, elbow noodles, rotini, and then misc others)
• Jiffy Peanut Butter, creamy
• Welch's Grape Jelly
• Lowery's Seasoning Salt
• Sugar
• Pillsbury Flower
• Hellman's Mayo
• Heinz Ketsup
• Frenches Mustard
• Lipton Tea
• Mrs. Baird's White Honey Wheat Bread
• Daisy Sour Cream
• Yoplait Yogurt
• Crisco Sticks
• Anything Pillsbury or Betty Crocker is usually yummy and fattening.
• Also must haves: olive oil, hamburger meat, frozen boneless chicken breast, 2% milk, eggs, butter, tomatoes, cucumbers, and lettuce

I feel like I have forgotten something. I hope this list makes you feel at home one day when you do have a place of your own. You can make most of the recipes we eat on a regular basis from this. Of course, in no time at all you will find new yummy things and have a special list all of your own.

You can call me Flower if you want to....

Our Halloween was Spooktacular! Corney I know, but I couldn't help myself. We spent the evening at a team mates home and neighborhood trick or treating by hayride (although there was no hay so trailer ride?). What a great way to tag along with your kids with out being exhausted! Hunter chose a nostalgic (and inexpensive) ghost costume and Morgan was a flower. As usual, we had a wonderful time with B's family.

Hunter's team played a great game Saturday. They lost, but not for lack of effort. I am so proud of the athlete he is becoming. For so long, it has been easy for him and has just come natural, now he is having to make an effort and learn new things and is making us so proud. His coach called me today and let me know that Hunter is the most complimented and talked about player in all of our league. Can you imagine how proud I am as a parent right now? Good job Hunter Bear!!! Keep giving 110% in all things and you will always feel like a winner. We are all so proud of you. Your a great athlete, student and big brother. We love you so much!!!

Good Morning God...

Your word is stuck in my head. Thank you for my wonderful blessings: My husband Wes, my children, my home, our health, the healing that we have received and continue to receive, our family and friends, and for the ability and desire to help others. Please open our hearts to follow in the direction you want us to go and to stop the power struggle we all have to be in control. Help me to hear you each time you say, "Let me do it." I hear you Lord.

Finally Seeing Eye to Eye...

Sweet Baby Morgan loves her Daddy. She lets him know that in a few different, adorable, and very special ways. One of which is by gazing in his eyes and seriously studying his face. For a while now she would touch his face almost like a person without sight does when trying to mentally visualize a face. It is so sweet and heartwarming with one little problem...she wouldn't look at me that way. Not up close, no gazing at Momma unless she was eating. I was crushed, she loved him more. How silly you say...probably so, but my feelings none the less. She held him different when he held her. She always seems content and safe in his big strong arms (I should understand this, I feel the same way in his arms). She looked at me and just rooted around to eat...I was there for four things, to feed her, change her, play and sing to her. Yet, when I would try to get her to look me in the eye, she would jerk her head to the left, so I lean to the left and say, "look at Momma," she then jerks her head to the right, again, "look at Momma, right here in front of you." Nada. She was putting her foot down, she is officially a Daddy's girl. My Mom tells me that it is just because she thinks of me as an extension of herself, like her hand foot, always there when she looks for it (except she spent a lot of time looking at and studying those too). Morgan and I have bonded in our own little ways, we talk and talk to each other, my voice soothes her faster than any other, she wants me and not a bottle or pacifier, and I know how to calm her by holding her against me and changing my own breathing and heartbeat. I honestly don't mind her being a Daddy's girl. I mean, what little girl isn't right? Well, I am very happy to share pictures from a moment where she finally gazed into my face and loved on me a little. She has been giving kisses, holding her face to mine, reaching for me, kicking happily when I walk up, holding my face in her hands and smiling as if to say, "Awww Momma, I always loved you too!" We celebrated her turning five months old today by feeding Baby Girl her very first serving of rice cereal. She did great and ate as much as she wore! She did bore of it easily but has so far slept through the night. Yee Haw!

Giddy Up Cowgirl, He We Go...

Morgan had a blast in her horse bouncer today. So far it was the longest she played in it. She is sitting in her car seat now, waking from a nap, blowing raspberries and talking to herself. Like mother like daughter. We are starting cereal tomorrow on her five month birthday. We wanted to wait for Wes so that he could be here for her first feeding but she is no longer sleeping through the night. She woke at 1:00 am, 3:00 am, and 5:15 am last night and that just isn't healthy for any of us. She only eats for a few minutes and falls back to sleep. When I move her away from me she roots around looking for her "pacifier". As cute as it is, I need all the beauty sleep I can get. It is quite funny to see her watch me when I eat. She has seriously studied each bite of my meals lately. She totally gets how it works and is stealing little nibbles when I am eating something soft and gentle enough for her little tummy. She tries to drink from my water bottles and actually stole a sip of her Bubba's icee the other day. He must have taught her to drink from a straw while I was sleeping. Wes can do the first jar of veggies when she is ready.

As for me, I was blessed by a scripture I read this morning. Proverbs 31:10-31. It has been a long time since I read it. Mommaloo saw a website/blog and thought I might enjoy it. I don't think she realized how much it was just what I needed to read right now. I am going to focus for a while in my walk on the principals I borrowed from the web site.

The Seven Principles of the Proverbs 31 Woman

The Proverbs 31 Woman...

• Pursues an ongoing, personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
• Loves, honors, and greatly enriches the life of her husband, encouraging and supporting his leadership within his family and his church.
• Nurtures the next generation, shaping and molding the children who will one day define who we are as a community and as a nation.
• Creates a warm and loving environment for family and friends.
• Is a faithful steward of the time and money God has entrusted to her.
• Speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction as she encourages others and develops godly friendships.
• Shares the love of Christ by extending her hands to help the poor and opening her arms to the needy.

You can read more about it by going to http://proverbs31.gospelcom.net/about/aboutP31.php

Bad dream

So last night I didn't sleep much. I had a horrible nightmare! I dreamt that I was pregnant again and Wes decided that I was mean and didn't want to marry me (funny since we are already married). Ha! Apparently my subconscious feels guilty for being so hormonal during my pregnancy with Morgan. Of course when I called Wes and told him about my bad dream, he laughed and asked if I thought I was pregnant and sweetly said he would never ever leave me. Thank God I am married to the real Wes and not the mixed up version of him I dreamt about!


We have started attending a new church here in town. Hunter and I tried it last weekend with B's family and really liked it. The praise and worship is great. This week's sermon was about war, not just war between nations, but between you and those you love. He made some really great points.

Bear's team won their game yesterday. Now they are 4 wins and 2 losses. Next week is the last game of the season. I am not sure how the play offs work, but we are in them. He also had his very first Jr. High dance on Friday. He was stressed about going with out a date. I think my comment was something like, "It is a Jr High dance, not prom, for crying out loud!" I dropped him off alone at the door of the cafeteria and was sad to see my baby boy go. I was also a little nostalgic about my own Jr High dances (and how old I felt). He had a blast and danced with his buddies all night. I am sure he was acting like a fool, but he loved every minute of it and even said he can't wait until the next dance. After the dance he even mustered up the courage to call his now ex girlfriend and ask about all of the rumors he had heard during the week about her reasons for breaking up with him. Turns out she just wasn't ready for a boyfriend. He was so happy that it wasn't anything he did or said, he jumped and said, "YES!" when he hung up. I think it was a huge weight lifted off his shoulders.

Morgan is still inching around trying to crawl. What she does is not exactly a crawl but she gets all over the place. I will walk in the kitchen to get a drink and she disappears under the coffee table. Wasn't ready for that scare! She babbles on and on all day. On Thursday she had her 4 month checkup and shots. Poor baby, she was already a little under the weather and those shots just did her in. Poor me, I have had a fussy baby all week. I realized that I actually look forward to football practice where there are other Mommas ready to take her off my hands and give me a breather. Hunter is such a great helper. I just don't know what I would do with out him. I know he loves her but I also know he does it to help Wes when he can't be there.

I miss Wes so much. He is working so hard to make ends meet and continue to let me stay home. With the cost of gas, day care, and new clothes, me working out of the house is just out of the question right now. We would be paying out more than I could bring in. Besides that, I really want to be home with my babies right now while I can. Thank you God for allowing us this blessing.

Rant for the day...

Okay, I need to rant and then I will feel better and not be ugly to anyone. I read somewhere to remember that once you throw a stone you can't take it back. So here is me just venting...

Why don't I just tattoo a welcome mat on my back. Seriously! I must have issues with just rolling over and getting walked all over. Why is it that I am always getting walked on by those I love the most. Is is because I always come running no matter what, that I am just glutton for punishment? How is it that I can be the friend that listens and listens, but is rarely heard (Not directed at you B), the person that is told, "I don't want to talk about that, enough about your friends/problems/life, your upsetting me with that," but is supposed to sit still and listen when your ranting on and on about whomever has upset you that day and respond at the proper time or you get upset? If I respond at the wrong time you get upset and say I am interrupting. I can't win for loosing. Today, I called someone dear to me to check on her. She was very upset and blue. I try to calling when Morgan is laughing to cheer her up. So here I am working hard to get Morgan to laugh for her and she tells me to hold on so that she can watch TV. Um hello! If your busy when someone calls, let them know in the beginning and ask that they call you later. I have way better things to do than sit and listen to you watch TV!!! You see it is all about balance, give and take, respect. If you don't respect me at least let me walk away with a little dignity. I mean whats not to respect? I am a great Mother and wife (not perfect, still human), but great none the less. I am a good friend who values and holds on to her friendships for a lifetime...not just when it is convenient to me. I am forgiving, funny, smart, and try to bring everyone up and not down. So why why why do I put myself through this? Ideas anyone?

To my dear children, DON'T BE A DOORMAT! Life is too short. Be kind, be loving, and know when it is best to just walk away.